Heaven and Ale
by QueenAlicorn
Summary: Ned thinks Moe should start a Holy Hour at his bar. Moe thinks he is crazy. The extremely holy, and the extremely sinful... What will happen when these two are under one roof for too long...?
1. Chapter 1

heaven and ale

Disclaimer: I do not own the Simpsons or it's characters.

Chapter 1,

Reverend Lovejoy was worried about his congregation. It seemed like it was thinning down to the most devout, and the Simpsons.

So one day he asked a 'randomly' selected group of Christians to attend a meeting after church. The meeting contained his wife, Helen, Marge Simpson, Ned and his sons (as if he could stop them from attending), Agnes Skinner, and Luann Von Houten

"People, people please. I have asked you here today to ask your opinion on how get more attendance. Does anyone havr any ideas?" Reverend Lovejoy asked and Todd rose his hand.

"Perhaps we could have a bible study class after church. That way people who don't have the chance to attend the regular service can still get a dose of god." Todd said and Ned smiled.

"I think that's a Fan-diddly-astic idea Todd my boy. And maybe we could attend, or at the very least, help run the study group." Ned said and Timothy muted a groan.

"Well, that's not a bad idea, so I will write down. But I want to try and reach thosr who don't attend church regularly. The people that really need god in their lives." Reverend Lovejoy said and Agnes rolled her eyes.

"Well, why don't you go down to their doors and demand that they go to church. Just pound on their door until they agree to go." she said and Marge groaned disheartedly.

"I don't know, Agnes. Thay seems rather forceful." Marge said.

"Well, duh, that's the whole point." Agnes stated.

"I think Timothy wanted people to come here on their own free will." Helen said and Luann nodded.

"Exactly and some people won't listen to such forceful actions." Luann said.

"Oh, yeah? Like who?" Agnes asked and Marge cleared her throat.

"Well, I don't like to name names, but I know that Homer likes to drink beer with his friend, Barney Gumball. Barney really lovesbto drink and if one or all of us went down to his door and started beging on it... Well... There's a chance that he won't answer his door because he isn't sober enough to do so." Marge said and Reverend Lovejoy thought about this.

"The drunk do need our help... Who else needs an extra dosr of god's love?" He said out loud, but mostly to himself. But Rodd rose his hand and he waited until Timothy pointed at him until he answered.

"The poor could use extra love." He said amd Ned smiled at his answer.

"You know I read about this event some churches do called a 'Grab and Go'. You see you get a whole bunch of donations and sort them out and you place everything in one or two rooms. People come and take what they want. It's like a garage sale, but everyrhing is free." Luann said and Marge smiled.

"That sounds really fun, Luann, and very Christianly. I have a whole bunch of stuff I have been trying to donate, and maybe now I can finally give it away to a good cause." Marge said and Helen smiled.

"Yes, we can put signs all over town and people can come and take what they need." Helen said and Agnes shrugged.

"Well, I can sign Seymour up to help volunteer. Sometimes he can be so organized that I can't stand having him at home." She said crossing, her arms and Reverend Lovejoy glanced at Ned.

"I know that I may regret saying this, but... (Sigh) You seem awfully quiet over there Ned." Timothy said and Ned blinked at him.

"Oh, I'm sorry Reverend. I think the Grab and Go is a diddly of a great idea." Ned said and Luann rose an eyebrow at him.

"But...?" she askes and Ned sighed.

"My thoughts keep returning to the alcoholics. I've been to that Moe's Tavern and lots of his customers are depressed souls looking for easy answers. I just wosh that there was something that we could do for them." Ned explained and Helen gave him an encoraging smile.

"What do you suggest?" she asked and Ned thought about this for a long minute.

"Well... I suppose that maybe we could talk to Moe or another bar in town, and we could have some sort of... Holy Hour. Like Happy Hour, but with, um... Maybe Christian themed drinks, or a cards with bible verses, or maybe a small sermon as they drink... A little god, every day, could really turn some of their lives around. I would hope anyways." Ned said and Marge blinked.

"Why Ned, that sounds like a wonderful idea Ned. Heck, if you did that then I would have no problem going to Moe's for Holy Hour." Marge paused to giggle.

"Makes me giddy just thinking about it." She said and Luann smiled at her.

"I agree, and maybe Holy Hour can have a few non-alcoholic drinks for our kids, if we want to bring them." Helen said as she thought of her daughter.

"So are we going to ask Moe to do Holy Hour at his bar?" Luann asked and Timothy shrugged.

"It is the bat that Ned named, so perhaps that's where we could start." He said.

"But who is going to ask him?" Helen said and Marge twisted her lips slightly.

"Well, I suppose that I could ask Homer to talk to Mor about this, but... There is a chance that he could forget or Moe could pump him full of berr until Homer forgets that he brought it up." Marge said in a ashamed half-whisper.

"I say prissy Flanders should confront Moe, because it was his idea to begin with." Agnes said and Ned blinked.

"Oh, I don't know if Moe would listen to me. Afterall, I don't drink much, so he may not really notice me." Ned said.

"Well that's a good thing, Ned. You aren't going to get drunk and passout like some overweight slob, no offense Marge. Ned, you will be strong-headed and you willstand your ground,and you will not leave until he hears you out." Luann said, ignoring the glare Marge was giving her.

"Well, Reverend, what do you think?" Ned asked and Timothy sighed.

"My son, god gives us all kind of strengths. I am confident that he will give you the strength to talk to Moe. I think that you have a very good chance of Convincing him to do your little Holy Hour. And if you fail, then we still have the Grab and Go. Helen, why don't you tell them about items we can donate?" Timothy said and Ned kind of drifted into his own mind. He needed to be firm and reasonable when he talked to Moe. No weak actions or intimidation otherwise could over power his thoughts.

But nonetheless, Ned smiled, because he knew that he had god on his side. And when you have god on your side, then you know that his will is being done.


	2. Chapter 2

heaven and ale

Disclaimer: I do not own the Simpsons or it's characters.

Chapter 2, Holy Spirits.

"Ok, let me see if I understand you, God boy. For one hour everyday, you want to turn my bar into a tint church?" Moe asked and Ned shook his head.

"No, sir, not exactly. But you know how mixed drinks have names like Manhattan, Grasshopper or even, God forgive me, Sex on the Beach? Well, my idea is to have mixed drinks that have Christian names." Ned explained, hopefully more effectively.

"Hm, then what about those bible verses and sermons you were talking about?" Moe asked and Ned shifted on the stool he was sitting on.

"Well, sir. My thought process is to have a bible verse served with every drink; at least the Holy Hour drinks. There can be a different verse everyday. So if one of the partons have a didilly too much then they will have the card to read in the morning. That way it is a constant reminder of God's love. And as for those sermons I mentioned, well sir, those could be done once a week and they don't have to be a very long." Ned said and Moe sighed as he leaned against the bar top.

"I don't know, Ned. This could drive away some of my customers. I really can't afford for my business to get worse." Moe admitted and Ned glanced down and then back at Moe.

"You know, the good Lord has a plan for all of his children. Some are born to be leaders of cities or countries, and some people are born to make a small change that makes a big difference. Now I can't tell you how successful this will be, but you should know that you have the church behind you. And what the hey, I'll be here every Holy Hour to help you with your business in whatever way I can." Ned said as he placed his hand on Moe's shoulder. Moe looked up into his eyes and suddenly he felt as if he could do anything. Well, except...

"Ned, I haven't mixed drinks in years. And since Homer was the one who gave me the Flaming Homer recipe, I don't know if I can make up any drinks." Moe said and Ned patted his back.

"Oh, that's no problem. Just come over to the Flanders house and we can mix a whole bunch of things together. You could come over tonight if you like." Ned said and Moe blinked.

"Tonight, oh, well, I don't want to be an inconvenience." Moe said and Ned laughed.

"Oh, don't be silly. Rod and Todd have a sleepover at their grandmother's house tonight. They've been wanting to go over for a while now, and since school starts next week, I made the plans. It'll just be you and me getting straight down to business." Ned said and Moe shrugged.

"Oh, your too positive to ignore. Ok, Neddy boy, I'll do your Holy Hour." Moe said and Ned stood up and placed his hands together.

"Thank you Jesus, praise the Lord." Ned then turned to Moe.

"I think your sign said that you closed at around 10, so I'll see you later." Ned said and Moe shrugged again.

"Alright, Alright. I'll see you later." Moe said and Ned smiled, before waving goodbye.

As Ned left the bar, Moe sighed and looked at the blob that was the passed out Barney on the bartop. He always took a 30-45 minute nap around this time, and with business being so slow, Moe really shouldn't kick him out until Barney runs out of money.

His customers were becoming less frequent and more memorable. Each one if them comes in at theit usual times and if any of them havr plans then they leave by 8, or more likely they stay until closing.

Moe thought back to when he briefly called his bar 'Flaming Moe's' and how crowded his bar was. Everyone enjoyed it, and people didn't have many complaints about the building or him. As difficult as it might be to work with a man with a 'PHD in mixology', it might help get the bar back in the hearts of the people in this town.

Moe contemplated on this matter for hours. Even thought it sounded like a good... No, a great business opportunity, there was something that felt off about the whole deal. Even the thought of getting Helen drunk was amusing, and yet Moe couldn't shake this feeling that doing this Holy Hour would change something.

Moe smiled as he remembered his old Italian grandmother who use to tell him that intuition or a gut feeling was your mind's eye telling you of future events to come. But how could serving Christian drinks with Ned effect him? Moe's gut was screaming that change is coming, but what really worried Moe, is that he couldn't tell if this was a positive or negative feeling. And as Moe walked towards the pristine Flanders house, the feeling only became more intense and a lot more confusing.

But as Moe extended his hand to knock on the door, it swung open and something hit him right in the stomach. As Moe toppled to the ground, he saw another figure fall beside him and he soon heard a girlish squeel.

"Oh, my stars. Moe, Todd, are you two ok?" Ned said and Todd sat up.

"I'm ok, daddy. I am sorry that I ran into you, Mr... Uh, Moe." Todd said as he rubbed his head, and Moe quickly muttered gibberish before rolling to his side.

"I'm fine, kid. I wasn't expecting you so I didn't prepare myself for playtime." He said then smiled and Todd smiled back.

"Oh, I'm sorry about that Moe. But you see the Todd-meister accidently forgot his bible so we needed to come back and get it." Ned explained and Moe nodded.

"So you make your kids read the bible every night?" Moe asked as Ned helped Moe off the ground with his shockingly soft hands.

"Make them read? By golly I only force them not to have bible storied if they get in trouble." Ned said and Moe rose an eyebrow at this and then turned his attention to Todd who was hugging his bible tightly.

"Huh, well I guess that you need to drive your boy." Moe said and Ned gave a nervous chuckle.

"That's true, are you ok?" Ned asked and Moe crossed his arms.

"My left arm hurts a little, but I was holding two beers. I brought one for each of us, so I can drink one while your gone. I just, uh... Need to find them." Moe said looking down and then suddenly the two males jumped at the sound of Todd screaming.

"There's glass in your arm and red stuff is coming out!" Todd said and Moe lifted his left arm and looked at the back of it.

"Well, what do you know, I found one of the beers." Moe said calmly.


End file.
